I loved you at your darkest — Romans 5:8

Some days there is a voice inside my head that screams to the tips of my toes & resonates all around me.  This voice doesn’t sound like my own:

“Stop it.  Stop doing this to me. It’s too much. You can’t do this. Just stop!”

There isn’t a lot that you can do on days like this, and they’re normally the days when I’m being a ‘below average mother’ scraping through the day. Usually I can tell where the day started sliding downhill, often it’s when I got up too late & the kids beat me to the punch, other times it’s when I haven’t sought the Lord in prayer or feasting upon the scriptures to fill my spiritual tank for several days & “whoops, there she goes”.

I often try to do too much, it’s in my nature. But when I push too far or shoulder too many projects at once it can really take its toll. I am “first, a wife and mother”, and it’s okay if not everybody agrees or understands. I’m so thankful to have a Father in Heaven who watches out for me and through grace I am able to do more than I ever could have if left to my own devices… It’s awfully humbling to cry behind the steering wheel and whisper “I can’t do this on my own”, then to have the feeling of comfort and reassurance come over me as if to say “you don’t have to”.  I take comfort in the words of Elder Holland, God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.” 

I am thankful that through it all, He has loved me and helped me through my darkest.

 

There is a way through depression and anxiety. If you or someone you know needs someone to talk to click here.